So.... with the village annual Christmas dinner looming large on Friday 16th December, I made the decision that I wanted to wear a dress/skirt. I had watched and bid for hours on EBay and...... flipping well gone and lost! Ugh!
There were several dresses that caught my eye and there was a 'Buy it Now' one too but my budget didn't stretch to it.
Upon the realisation that I'd have to spend another year wearing jeans because that's all I had (I don't own skirts!) and then hit with the second realisation that the top I always match with my jeans when going out doesn't fit me anymore because I have shrunk and it gives ample opportunity for my less than ample bosom to reveal itself and bra straps to app[ear without notice, I actually told considered cancelling our booking!
WTF?! Since when have I ever been so bothered about wearing a dress or skirt that I'd actually consider cancelling a booking because i couldn't wear one?!
So strange and so unlike me - but then, I am not really the 'old me' anymore am i?
Wearing a dress or skirt had become something more than just a fashion statement, it meant I could fit in with everyone else, for once in my life I could feel female and look smart.
As a farmers daughter I spent all my life in jeans or riding jodhpurs and never considered my 'horse riders legs' were safe to be seen in such things as skirts! As my legs got fatter, I lost the definition between foot, ankle and calf, then my calves lost definition from my knee and thigh and ...... well, you get the picture.
I know I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder and when I was bigger - I never could see how big I was, now I am getting smaller - I can't see how much smaller I am, and I still think/know there are areas of my body that are bigger than the average (well, that's what I think/know) and this causes problems when buying clothes, because when i was big - I simply brought the biggest clothes on the rail, but now I am going down in clothes size it's more of an issue - I can't simply hold up a skirt or pair of jeans to my waist and compare the size of the waist band and quickly form an opinion of whether they'll fit or not because EVERYTHING looks too small to fit me now. Yet, I do know that now I am fitting into some of those clothes that when I hold them up I think "too small for me!".
Anyways, back to the story...
Yes, I wanted to wear a dress to look like everyone else, to look grown up and feminine, instead of Tom Boy-esque. Every time i go anywhere there are always women who turn up looking like ..... women! They look pretty, nice dress, make up, hair and everybody is drawn to them like a magnet. Damn, they just look so grown up and everything I'm not. It makes me feel less of a woman!
Well, today is the penultimate day - if i don't find something now in the charity shop, I never will and it'll be too late!
I don't have oodles of cash and because I am still on my diet journey and shrinking, I see no sense in forking out lots of money on clothes that in 2 or 3 months time will not fit me. Once I get to my goal weight/size I will start investing in clothes. So... that leaves me with a limited search area to find my Christmas dress!
Oh and did I mention I have no fashion sense? Who needs fashion sense when you live in jeans and riding clothes?!
But I have seen programmes on the subject and seen Gok Wan and Trinny and Susannah rescue people from their ever increasingly drab wardrobes. So, armed with subliminal programming, off I trundled!
I checked every shop in town and ended up in the one that seems to have the best selection and lots of brand new with tags clothes too!
In there I found my answers! I found a straight black just over knee length pencil skirt (UK size 14), I wasn't sure if I'd fit into it but took the chance as there was nothing else!
Then I found a nice black and silver sparkly shiny top but it was off the shoulder and I don't want everyone seeing my bra straps! I liked the way the top had kinda bat wing thingies and was kinda loose cut - I wanted that top but had to find something to layer underneath it! Then I found a shiny sparkly red sleeveless fitted top with a tiny cowl style neck, oh it looked perfect and was on the size UK 16 rail. I wasn't confident I'd fit into a 14 and this top was very fitted looking! So I decided to get it. Then I came up with the idea that I should buy a big belt that I could do up loose hanging around my hips!
I found the perfect belt - kind of silver and about 3 inches wide. I looked at it and wondered if it would fit around my hips. I've never had a belt big enough to fit around them before, hell, i struggled to get the flipping things to fit around my waist!
I took a chance a purchased the whole assemble and it came in at a wonderful £13!
Then I made a visit to my local M&S to purchase some tights to hide my legs. I decided upon a pair of 'slimming' tight! Yay! I carefully regarded the sizing chart on the back of the packet and decided to get the size up as I was borderline being on the Medium size. The tights were expensive - £6 something for just one pair! They better be slimming!
I couldn't find any shoes to buy to go with the ensemble so figured I will have to work it with ankle boots as that's all I have with heels at home!
Once home I set about trying on my purchases. Pleased that they were all brand spanking new too!
The skirt fits a treat! The red top turns out to be a UK size 14! Shock horror! But it's okay - it fits! Yay!
Then the silver and black top and that fits too! The belt is massive actually and will be in danger of sliding off my hips unless I find the exact right spot to sit it on! hehe.
Then it was the tights turn!
Hmmmmmm....... I got one leg in - just and realised I could get injured trying to get the second leg in! After much wriggling, carefully pulling up and sweating and swearing I waddled off like a penguin to my full length mirror ...... hmmmmmm... Well, I got them on but I couldn't possibly go out in them! There are several issues here:
1) They make me walk like a penguin because...
2) The crotch is half way down my thighs, because ...
3) they are too tight/small!
I believe they are sold as 'slimming tights' but are in fact really just tights that are two sizes TOO SMALL!
hahaha
I weighed up my chances of further wriggling and the possibility of maybe wearing them after all but then realised
Therefore I will adopt plan B (yes, I have a plan B you know!). I purchased a 3 pack pair of cheap tights from Tesco along with my grocery order last week. I tried them on and although I must be careful not to snag or ladder them, I think they'll do the job. I'm not going to wear false nails, so I should be okay.
That's the clothes taken care of. As for the make up - I sought a friend's advice who works in a beauty/make up shop. I needed help to hide the bags/dark circles under my eyes from my recent insomnia!
She found something in the right shade and advised on how to use it. I also found some nice red festive looking nail varnish and red lipstick to match. the lipstick says it stays put for .... basically forever! Has to be removed with oil based make up remover. I have make up remover wipes, so I hope they do the job! I guess I should have tried the lipstick before the event but I haven't and I hope it doesn't turn into a permanent tattoo thing on my face if I can't get it off! I anted something that'd stay put as on the rare occasions when I do tart myself up with make up, I always end up losing all my lipstick as soon as I have my first drink!
I will take my shiny pink sequin bag - it doesn't really match anything but it's festive looking so it'll do!
I have to say, I am seriously nervous and yet excited at the same time.
I hope no-one thinks I look daft or odd because I'm wearing a skirt, because no-one in this village has ever seen me wearing a skirt! This is a serious milestone in my life - along with the fact that when I weighed myself post run yesterday I had got to the 100 lbs lost milestone! It's not official until Monday weigh In's, so unless I weigh the same Monday, it won't count! But for one day it did count and I hit 100 lbs lost! yay!
Right, enough talking, I have kind of gone on this time, my apologies and thank you for bearing with me.
OMG, I'm gonna wear a skirt in public!
P.s. Apologies for any grammatical errors that I have over looked but my spell check is being a pleb! lol
