*Photos here are NOT of me at my heaviest - I will be adding those soon*
I started my journey in October 2005, weighing in at 275 lb (19 stone 7 lb), a UK dress size 24/26.
Why October 2005? Well, my marriage ended then. I had been with my husband for 11 years and he ended it without any prior warning. I lost everything - my home, my horse and mementos of my life so far. Memories and keep sakes of my 31 years on this planet - all left in the loft and no doubt on a landfill site by now.
My son and I were homeless. I cried for 2 weeks solid. I couldn't eat, whenever I tired, I was sick. In those 2 weeks I lost 2 stone (28 lbs) and something 'clicked' that I could lose more. A glimmer of some hope, something to hang on to for a better future - because the present at the time sure looked bleak!
I wasn't a fat kid, far from it; I was a farmers daughter and always out and about, playing on the farm, cycling, swimming, running or with my horses.
Even as a 16 year old I weighed in at 7 stone 6 lbs (104 lbs). bearing in mind I was quite short - barely measuring 5ft!
I had dreams of becoming a lady jockey, I could easily make the weight for flat or jump racing.
Even at 18 I competed in Motocross. So, I was always sporty.
But then I got married young and had my son when I was 21 years old and my marriage turned into an unhappy place and I ate to comfort myself. I slipped into a depression that would last forever. I admit it, I ate crap; we had fast food/take aways pretty much every night because I was so depressed and couldn't cook because of that. I envisioned that this would be my life forever, stuck in a bad marriage unable to escape because I had nowhere to go, nothing in my life to look forward to.
I was doped up on medication that just made me numb to the world. I was stuck in a body and life that was not really me. I didn't recognize what I had become. That sporty girl had long gone and now I was an overweight mother who dare not venture outside because of my anxiety attacks etc and so I literally shut myself away behind closed doors and curtains and rotted.
Sure, I had a horse at the time and he was my best friend. The times I cried into his mane, wishing for escape from the world I was in.
Then in 2005 my wish came true but it was hard to handle. It was a most major life changing event of the biggest proportion.
I was lucky that my parents could take both my son and myself in - back to the farm where I grew up!
I needed to be there in a way - so i could heal.
After I cried my eyes out for 2 weeks I had to start sorting things out, I had to organize finances and sort out some kind of future for my son and myself. Previously I couldn't have faced it, I would have given up on life rather than being able to sort all this mess out. But it's true what they say "You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have".
I decided to take my son away for a long weekend to Wales - to go camping and climb a mountain!
It was more than just a trip away. I hadn't been anywhere on my own for the whole time I was married and my anxiety made doing things really hard for me, but I planned this trip and used the car my dad had given me. With my 10 year old son reading the detailed route descriptions I'd written down, we arrived in the Brecon Beacons!
That weekend I discovered a freedom! I had already started walking/hiking prior to the trip and although I was 2 stone (28 lbs) lighter, I was still very unfit and suffering from severe osteoarthritis in my knee.
But I wanted to climb the highest Mountain in Southern Wales, I wanted to prove to myself that I can do anything I set my heart on and climbing that mountain (on the hottest day of the year!) was a turning point! If I could do it, I could get over my marriage break up. It was a test of my very being!
It took me a good couple of hours to get to the top and half way up my son and I sat down and we good good to quit - him more so than me. We chatted for a while and i told him how important it was for our 'new start' in life and how he would remember this forever.
On we trudged!
At the top I looked over the scenery and could see not only the journey up the mountain we'd taken to get to that point but I could see the journey of my life up until that point. With the wind blowing in my face I felt free and anything was possible!
It would be 2 years after my marriage ended until I was given my own home by a Rural Housing Association and my little bungalow was my own, I paid rent, but it was MY home!
I lost about 4 stone (56 lbs) on my own but I got stuck, I had so much more to lose. I wanted to join a weight loss club but money was lacking so i couldn't afford too much.
I considered Slimming World but Weight Watchers won my heart (and finances!). I joined up for online membership only as I couldn't afford the price of meetings.
In November 20010 I became a proud member of Weight Watchers!.
My journey to 9 stone 7 lbs (133 lbs) continues, but with each month that passes I am getting closer. I expect to hit Goal during 2012!
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